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February 9, 2008: Wicked Pissahs 103, Cosmonaughties 64
| Type : | Bout Recaps | |
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| Gashes are red, bruises are blue, Cosmos play great, but Pissahs pull through. It's Valentine season in Derbyland, and thoughts of love and lust are everywhere. But for two hours this past Saturday, February 9th, warm, fuzzy feelings gave way to cold-blooded competitiveness when the Wicked Pissahs and Cosmonaughties mixed it up in the final regular season bout for the Boston Derby Dames. A record crowd of over 1,600 fans piled in to Shriner's Auditorium, packing the stands and arena floor to capacity in anticipation of derby fireworks. Never a group to disappoint, the teams delivered an adrenaline-fueled, high-octane facemelter that evidenced the long hours of hard work these women invest in their sport. And although the Pissahs ultimately won by a healthy margin, 103-64, the story runs deeper than the score; indeed, the journey of this bout was far more significant than its destination. Despite their loss, Saturday was a hugely important bout for the Cosmonaughties because it established their fearlessness and re-infused them with the necessary confidence for playoffs. Having witnessed the enormous firepower of the Pissahs in the season opener against the Nutcrackers, the Cosmos could easily have entered this bout as an anxious and humbled squad, but they did no such thing. From the first whistle, their intensity level signaled an indifference to the Pissahs' loaded resume and an eagerness to play the role of giant killers. The opening jam saw Claire D. Way, who skated a glorious bout, snatch lead jammer and an early 3-0 edge, which surely would have been more if not for a timely hit by Pissahs MVP Evilicious that forced Claire to pull the plug. For most of the first period, it was more of the same, and by the end of the 9th jam, the Cosmos had grabbed lead jammer seven times on their way to a 22-16 lead. For the first time in a long time, the Pissahs appeared off-balance and shaken, and it looked like there might be an upset in the making. This early success of the Cosmos was largely driven by their blockers' ability to substantially increase the coasting pace of the pack. By creating an uptempo dynamic, the Cosmos strung out the pack and opened up space for their jammers, who used their superior footwork to weave through the resulting gaps without losing momentum. Enabling these high-speed passes is especially critical against the Pissahs, who excel at trapping opposing jammers in a slow-moving pack and then endlessly replacing their front line defense.The quick pace also prevented Pissahs blockers from lining up clean booty and shoulder blocks; instead, they often managed only glancing and illegal blows resulting in costly penalties. It's unclear whether this strategy was cooked up by Cosmos coaches in the Vulvatron Lab or a product of skater instincts, but either way, it worked brilliantly to neutralize the Pissahs' significant size advantage and play to the Cosmos' strengths of speed and agility. Unfortunately for the Cosmos, the Pissahs are a great team, and great teams don't wilt at the first sign of adversity.The ladies in red calmed down, regrouped and came storming back with a 13-0 run to end the first period.But although this rush led to a 29-22 Pissahs advantage, the momentum remained with the Cosmos, who had clearly won the battle of the first 20 minutes and simply misstepped in the last few jams. Obviously unfazed by the Pissahs' strong close to the first period, the Cosmos scorched the first few jams in the second, dropping 10 unanswered points to retake the lead at 32-29.But it was not to be for the underdogs, as this was the last lead they'd have in the bout. Up until this point, the Cosmos did exactly what they needed to: they kept the Pissahs on their heels and forced them to make mistakes. But the Pissahs can't be beaten in thirty minutes, and their squad is always prepared to pounce when given the chance.And as fatigue set in at the halfway mark and the pace of the game slowed slightly, Pissahs workhorses dug in and seized their opportunity.Just as they did against the Nutcrackers, the Pissahs went on a devastating tear to put the score out of reach.Securing lead jammer in ten of the next twelve jams, the Pissahs notched forty-four points to the Cosmos' nine with a typical impressive team performance, opening up a thirty point gap by the end of the second jam in the third period. This tide-turning was not for want of effort by Cosmos skaters, who went deep in to the well in an attempt to limit the damage. Leading the charge, as she did all bout, was team MVP Anna Wrecks Ya.Although much can be said of the exceptional jamming of Claire D. Way and Maura Buse, the lynchpin of the Cosmos' near-upset was undoubtedly Anna. Throughout the bout, she was involved in virtually every meaningful play for the Cosmos, whipping her jammers to the lead one moment and drilling opposing blockers the next. Hers was truly a standout performance amongst standout performances. With the Cosmos refusing to let up and clawing their way back one jam at a time, the bout remained a brutal dogfight until the end, the image of which was captured by two memorable third-period moments.In the first, Claire D. Way had broken through most of the pack and had only Shellby Shattered left to beat.As derby fans know, one of Claire's hero powers is an ability to pass opposing blockers by leaping over the inside lane line while coming around a turn. With Shattered running a booty-blocking clinic up front for most of the night, this approach seemed to have the highest chance of success under the circumstances, so Claire lined up the risky pass.Of course, derby fans also know that Shattered is more than happy to sacrifice her body for a killer block, and that's precisely what she did here.Just as Claire left the ground, Shattered turned inside and went airborne for the hit, resulting in a mid-air impact so nasty that I almost called the girl police to file a complaint. [Airborne blocking isn't legal, Mr. Hits. Clearly you were dazzled by the illusion of rollergirls in flight. --ed.] Somehow, both skaters not only survived, but were back on their feet within seconds.Ridiculous.Later, in the second huge collision of the period, fans received a solemn reminder of the very real dangers faced by roller girls in this sport.While actively trading blows with the pack around the first turn, Evilicious caught a block that sent her caroming off the track towards the bleachers, where she went face-first in to an unpadded steel bar.Down for nearly ten minutes, she was eventually taken off by an emergency crew to the crowd's chants of "E-vil-i-cious!"The word from the wires is that she broke her nose in four places and required thirty stitches, but is recovering nicely.All things considered, that's not a terrible result, but you're sure to see more padding between turns 2 and 3 next time. With the regular season now complete, there's no doubt that the Pissahs are the team to beat in playoffs, but after Saturday's scare, it seems that any cries of "Dynasty!" may have been premature.As Boston knows all too well, championships are never foregone conclusions.Playoffs begin on April 12 when the Nutcrackers and Cosmonaughties meet in a rematch of December's barnburner; the winner will advance to meet the Pissahs in the championship on June 14.For those who can't wait that long for more derby (and is there anyone who can?), a doubleheader looms just over the horizon on March 8, when the All-Star Boston Massacre splits its squad for back-to-back bouts. In the opener, the Massacre takes on the women from Maine Roller Derby's Port Authorities in a 30-minute, single period bout.And in the full-length showcase, the Massacre rumbles with the Bronx Gridlock and their famed and feared co-captain Beyonsláy, answering once and for all the question of whether her body is, in fact, too bootylicious for us... baby. Wicked Pissahs: Lead jammer in 19 of 37 jams Cosmonaughties: Highest scoring jammer (single jam): Maura Buse, 8 points in period 1, jam 7; Sheryl Crowbar, 8 points in period 3, jam 6 Highest scoring jammer (overall): Claire D. Way, 29 points Most penalties: Claire D. Way, 10 minors and 3 majors MVP: Anna Wrecks Ya #101 | ||
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07.31.10 | |
08.05.10 |
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07.13.10 | |
07.13.10 |
The Cosmonaughties' dream of galaxy-wide dominance was dashed by a second period Wicked Pissah rally in this bout that was much closer than the final score suggests. Mr. Hits's recap est voici, nos amou |
