May 5, 2007: Wicked Pissahs 104, Cosmonaughties 80

Type :	Bout Recaps
On Saturday, May 5, at the first-ever BDD Championship bout, the Wicked Pissahs lined up against the undefeated Cosmonaughties in what would be the most nail-biting and hard-hitting bout of the inaugural season. Their first match-up in September 2006 ended in an upset that would plague both teams for the rest of the season: an unprecedented 58-58 tie. Never able to declare a clear winner, the Pissahs and Naughties walked away wondering who would come out on top, the ladies in red or the Red ladies? The Cosmos went on to defeat the Nutcrackers in November, while the Pissahs fell to the Nuts in December, paving the way for a Nutcrackers/Wicked Pissahs playoff in March. A 95-74 playoff victory for the Pissahs—their first win of the season—set the stage for Saturday’s championship bout. Again the Wicked Pissahs prevailed, holding a lead of over 20 points against the Cosmonaughties for much of the bout. At the end the score stood at 104-80 and the Pissahs were officially declared Boston Derby Dames’ 2006-2007 Champions. Both teams took the track with their newest players in tow; EZ-Bake Shovin’ debuted for the Cosmos and Martha Mangler was on deck with the Pissahs. Tight defense from both teams in the first few jams prompted announcer Ruby Khan to predict another low-scoring bout, but the Pissahs shifted into high gear and pulled ahead midway through a somewhat erratic first period as both teams adjusted to their skate legs. Pissahs Tootsie Pop, Triple Deck-Her, Piña Collidah, Amandaconda, Jodie Faster, and Etta Maims all made appearances on the line in the first period. The Cosmonaughties’ jamming was equally diverse with Maura Buse, Pussy Venom, Claire D. Way, Lyrical Gangsta, and Coco A Go-go all skating to the jam line. Jam #6 saw Jodie Faster put up the highest scoring jam of the night, turning in 13 points against Claire D. Way’s 0-point jam and pushing the score to Pissahs 27, Cosmos 9. Cosmonaughtie Jennasauraus Wrecks suffered a knee injury in the final seconds of the period that took her out for the remainder of the bout. The score at the first period break after 11 jams stood at Pissahs 44, Cosmos 19. Both teams had racked up minors and were poised to crowd the penalty box during period 2. The second period saw a near-constant parade of skaters in the penalty box for both teams throughout the 20 minutes. Lyrical Gangsta, already one of her team’s top blockers and MVP of the November bout against the Nutcrackers, emerged as a leading Cosmo jammer and placed herself in the ranks of teammates Maura Buse and Claire D. Way, Pissah Piña Collidah, or Nutcracker Wanda Whipya as a formidable blocker-jammer double threat. Piña Collidah, Triple Deck-Her, and Tootsie Pop stepped up their jamming and managed to put 38 more points on the board, despite Cosmo pivot Ivana Clobber’s tight hold on the inside line. Although the Cosmos kept even with that pace and collected 35 points of their own, the Pissahs’ tight replacement blocking kept star jammers Maura Buse and Claire D. Way from closing the lead. After 11 jams, the teams retired for the second period break with the score standing at 82 Pissahs, 54 Cosmos. The Cosmonaughties’ game came together in the third period, catching the Pissahs off guard, and grabbing lead jammer status in both the first two jams. Maura Buse started out the period by putting 5 points on the board and Lyrical Gangsta followed with another 4 points in jam #2 while the reenergized Cosmos’ blocking held the Pissahs to zero points in those two jams. In period 3, jam #7 (no lead jammer, a full two-minute jam), Claire D. Way scored 10 points to Etta Maims’s 1, bringing the Cosmos to within 12 points of the lead. The uncommonly quiet crowd finally got to their feet as the score crept to 88-76, quickly turning a potential blowout game into anyone’s game. But Tootsie Pop bounced back to cement the Pissah lead with two back-to-back jams, scoring 4 points to Maura Buse’s 1 in jam #8 and 4 points to Claire D. Way’s 0 in jam #9. With only a minute and a half left on the scoreboard, Triple Deck-her took the track against the Maura Buse, both jammers pushing hard until the bitter end, but Triple Deck-her kept the lead until the jam clock counted down, closing the game at 104 to 80. The teams were neck and neck with penalties, 88 minors and one major for the Pissahs and 87 minors and four majors for the Cosmos, including two from Nutcracker-on-loan Cookie Push, who was making her post-maternity leave comeback as an alternate. Ivana Clobber led her team in positive stats, including 12 ticks for booty blocking and 6 blocker takeouts. Maura Buse, always a high-contact jammer, took out three opposing blockers while wearing the star helmet cover and was the lead scorer of the night with 33 points. Tootsie Pop earned her place as Pissah MVP by being their leading scorer and cleanest player—32 points and only two minor penalties. And Pussy Venom went down in the books as the Cosmo’s MVP with solid stats for assists and booty blocking, as well as one blocker take-out in each of her two turns as jammer. Standing at the end of the 2006-2007 season: The Wicked Pissahs: 2-1-1 The Cosmonaughties: 1-1-1 The Nutcrackers: 1-0-2 This bout marks the retirement of Pissah co-captain Piña Collidah, who is leaving to pursue a career in massage therapy. Her teammates dedicated their win to her during a tearful awards ceremony. It was also Professor Coco A Go-Go’s final bout with the Cosmonaughties, as she prepares to move to Austin at the end of the summer and perhaps suit up with the foremothers of flat-track derby, the Texas Rollergirls.